Joe finally gets the approval from his insurance to go see the specialist. He waits about an hour after his scheduled appointment time but he finally gets in to see the doctor.

“So what’s the problem?”

“Well… I got this rash on my vagina doc”

“Oh yeah?”


“How’d you get it?”

“The rash or the cunt?”

“The cunt.”

“Hospital mix up. I was supposed to get my gallbladder out. I was sharing the room another guy. I guess they were short on good doctors that day and next thing I know they’re tellin’ me my dick and balls are underneath the pillow.”

“Hmm. What about the other guy?”

“Well he wasn’t too happy about it either. Also lost something he didn’t wanna part with. So I guess it was all fair in the grand scheme of things and all men really are created equal.”

“Sounds like a nightmare.”

“It was. Until the hospital paid me that malpractice money and I could finally quit that awful job. Now I get to sit around all day smoking pot and watching old cartoons.”

“Well that sounds like a great deal.”

“Yeah only problem is I gotta fuck dudes now just to get off.”

“Well why don’t you just fuck chicks? They can just wear a strap on.”

“Nah. Too weird that way.”


“So what about the rash?”

“Mmm? Oh yeah well uh… looks like maybe your vagina got fucked a little too hard you know what I mean?”

“Oh sure doc. Know exactly what you mean.”

“No big deal. Or it could be herpes.”


“But you probably don’t really want to know if it’s the herp or not cuz… lord knows you don’t need another pain in your cunt so I’ll just give you this steroid cream instead. That should take down the inflammation. Just don’t itch.”

“Hmm… that’s like telling a bear not to shit in the woods.”

“Well we can fit you with some of those cones they use on the dogs but on your hands so you don’t scratch. Or we could just chop off your arms. That’ll be cheaper.”

“Hmm… probably help me quit smoking too I bet.”

“Let’s try the cones out first. But you’ll have to make a separate appointment for that.”

“Alright. Well thanks doc.”

“Anything else?”

“No that’s about it I mean… What else could there be right?”

“Hey at least you don’t have to worry about testicular cancer.”

“Preventative medicine doc. Lovin’ this new health care system.”

“Us too. I’ve let 3 nurses and 2 techs go just this week.”

“Say what are you doin later on this evening doc?”

“Sorry pal. I’m a married man. And you might have herpes so…”

“Thought you said it wasn’t the herp.”

“Probably is. We’ll know if the creme doesn’t work. But you’ll have to make a separate appointment if you want to find that out for sure. We need all the copays we can get these days.”

“Right. I know the drill.”

“Just ask the nurse for the steroid cream on your way out and don’t fuck too much for about a week or so.”

“A week?!”

“Just for a week or two. Maybe you can just give em a nice suck instead.”

“What, do I look like a homo to you?”

“Not really. Just another sad bum with an itchy puss.”

“Damn right. Well… thanks again doc. I’ll see ya soon.”

“Merry Christmas.”

“Happy Hanukkah.”

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