Ashley

“No I don’t think so.”

“Alright so Sherlock Holmes and Dr. Watson go camping right? And in the middle of the night, Holmes wakes up Watson and he goes ‘Hey Watson, look up at the stars, and tell me what you see.’ Watson looks up and says ‘Well… I see a lot of stars.’ So Holmes says ‘Ok and what do you deduce from that?’ Watson says ‘Well, there are lots of stars, millions of them, maybe even billions. So even if a few of those have planets, it’s highly probable that there are some planets like Earth out there. And if there are a few planets like Earth out there, then there might also be other life forms out there! Like us!’ Holmes looks at Watson all annoyed and says ‘No, Watson, you idiot…’”

“Someone stole their tent.”

I take the last pull on the cigarette and flick it over the fence with a smile.

A beat.

“So you HAVE heard this one?”

I keep looking at Bart who seems to be smiling now too.

“Nope. Just saw it coming” I say.

She takes a long drag and exhales.

“You are such a liar. Do you know any jokes?”

“No ‘jokes’ per se really but I did read about this man who ripped out his eyes during mass today.”

“What?!”

“Yeah. He claimed he heard a voice tell him to do it.”

“Oh my god.”

“Yeah he was there too. In fact, he had something to do with it cuz apparently in the bible he says, and I quote, ‘if your right eye causes you to sin, gouge it out and throw it away. It is better to lose one part of your body than for your whole body to be thrown into hell.’ So now this dude’s blind for life. He ripped out both eyes. Guess they both caused him to sin.”

I can see out of the corner of my eye that she looks bewildered and mortified. I fight back the laughter. She catches me trying to hide it.

“Ok how is THAT funny?”

I’m laughing before she even finishes the sentence.

“Are you fuckin serious? Imagine sitting there in church being bored to death by that pastor talking about heaven and hell and next thing you know some dude’s ripping out his own eyeball. Arrrrghhhhhhh! I got the spiriiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiiit!”

I act it out the way it went down in my head when I read it and laugh myself into a crazed frenzy fit. She still doesn’t find it that funny. And whether she gets it or not, I love playing the fool.  

Just then, Ben leans his giant head through the balcony door frame and quietly whispers over my shoulder.

“Hey I think Ashley’s crying in your room. Just… FYI.” Then he goes back in.

I stop laughing a bit.

“Excuse me.” I say to Katya.

I walk into the living room. Take a big rip from the bong and enter the lion’s den.

I come in and see her laying on the bed with her face in my pillow. Goddamn it, I think, now the pillow’s wet you little bitch how am I supposed to sleep tonight.

“Hey.” I say quietly. “What the hell’s wrong? Come on.”

“You know what’s wrong!” she snivels.

Not the pillow come on…

“No I don’t. Just tell me already. Stop playing this you know shit come on.”

She turns around and faces me but leaves an imprint of her face in tears and makeup on that pillowcase.

“Remember when we were walking to the café? I was smoking a joint, remember that?”

“Yeah…”

“And then that cop drove by?”

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