“Excuse me? You don’t KNOW what you said?”

She does the “oh no you didn’t” neck roll.

“No. See, all I know is we were having a good time, Ben and Nadia came over, we smoked some good weed, we made some good food, had some nice conversations about down syndrome salmon and other down syndrome animals out there, and talked about creeps and how they’re funny to watch… uh… what else… I remember laughing at a joke about mushrooms looking like dick tips or some shit like that… See the night was good and everyone laughed except…”

She stares and shakes her head at me demanding more more more.


I just shrug and imitate her stare right back. I’m done with this bullshit. I was done before I got it started. See the problem is that I am naturally highly sexual and curious and interested in almost all women.

This one isn’t worth it. Isn’t worth taking the abuse. None of them are. Even Her. But this story isn’t about Her. Or maybe indirectly it is. Maybe after a few years I’m running out of ways to forget her. It is all only temporary. But this phase will last a lifetime.  

“That’s it?! That’s all you remember?”

“What! What the fuck else! What else am I supposed to remember I don’t…?”

She nods her head up and down, lips puckered, writing me off.

“Ok” she says, her face melting with distrust. “Ok.”

And walks off.

I follow behind her slowly. Does she think that I am lying about not remembering what little fucking thing she’s pissed at me for this time? Ben and Nadia are still farther up. They stopped to talk too. Probably about something fun and flirty. Maybe something about how much he loves the taste of her pussy. I bet it is a nice looking cooch. I can tell by the naughty smiles still lingering on their faces from a distance that the conversation is definitely charged with sexual innuendo or inside jokes of some sorts. Ben looks at me as Ashley and I catch up to them, still separate but kinda together. Ben gives me a sideways glance and nods to Nadia and they start to walk at their superhuman pace again, taking 6 steps where 1 man would take 2. Crack and weed are a helluva drug combo. They’re calmed down but they can sense something’s wrong so they stay a safe distance ahead. As long as they don’t have to know the details, they are protected from the bummer.

We get to my place pretty quick and stand outside on the sidewalk smoking. Well, Ashley and I are smoking. She, my joint. I, my cigarette.

“Yo so when is your sister going to be here?” Ashley asks Nadia.

“Soon. She was getting off the 405 like 5 minutes ago so she should be here soon.”

I give Ashley a long stare. She glances back but hastily. There’s bad unresolved tension there. Well. Better than indifference, I say. But I can’t understand where it came from. I really can’t recall the exact moment that would have made her this angry. Not one that would have caused her any embarrassment, that’s for sure. I never called her an asshole anywhere but in private. And mostly in my head where nobody could hear me. And frankly she was just a delusional idiot too but I never called her that. Even in private. Maybe it was the helicopter that really did it. Couldn’t be… wouldn’t make sense if it was. It must’ve been before that.

As we’re finishing the smokes, Nadia’s sister arrives. She’s tall with a pretty face but a little boxy around the waist for my personal aesthetic. Her friend however is unquestionably hideous and difficult to look at without pity for even a few moments. We all smile and try to maintain eye contact as we  introduce ourselves all civilized with bullshit and walk up the stairs and into my place.

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