Apple Tree

She started gathering up the silverware and dishes on the table.

“My mom told me a story once about a boy in our town who ate 4 apples in one day and next day he woke up and a little brown stem with a little green leaf was stickin out his belly button.” The forks cheered her stupid ass on as she threw them into the sink. I walked right up and I laughed right loud and rude in her dumb little kid face “HA!” and then I smacked her ass so hard she screamed like Wilhelm and jumped up so high in the air she nearly hit her head on the ceiling. And then I really laughed. And when she landed kind of on her feet she smacked me straight across the face twice with the same hand both wind up style but I just kept laughing.

Later on that night she was trying to be all sexy, slithering up and down my chest with a naughty smile, but she just looked like a possessed little child with her hands going in weird directions, licking her lips, trying to pout and be sexy with her little teeth. I felt wrong as I watched her put me in her mouth because not only did she look like she was 12 with those giant eyes and tiny teeth and little button nose but also because I knew I’d never want to be with her for forever. Not even for too much longer. After you know something like that, its kinda hard to go through with something like this. I couldn’t get it up even with her shaved little ass right in my face and the anonymous warmth on my cock.

“Whats the matter baby? Aren’t you horny?” I wasn’t. Especially not after she called me baby. It was better than papi but they both made me gag chunks of soul.

“I think I’m just tired babes.” If I were her I would have read through it in a split second but she just climbed right back on top of me and cuddled my chest like I was her daddy and I was gonna make it all ok, and that made me hate her even more.

How dumb can you fuckin get, honest? First the apple tree and now this. Maybe I’m too picky in the 21st century. But maybe I just don’t like any of em. Shit. If I think about it objectively, I only really liked HER. Now SHE was smart, goddamn it. Tall, thin, proud, great posture. British too. And she seemed profoundly interested in most stuff I said. And she called me out on shit too. Asked intelligent questions. Posited new logic. Taught me a lot of words I still don’t use. We could talk all night and through the afternoon too on any weekend. What did the little one ever teach me? That it’s possible to wake up with an apple tree sticking out of your asshole?

I watched the ceiling be still and move at the same time for a while. After she fell asleep on my chest, I watched her little face, with the crusty kid boogers all over her runny nose. Baby nose.

I got up and went into the kitchen and ate another apple standing up in the dark. All you could see was chewing and sucking. That’s why I only pick the bright green ones at the store.

By the time I came back to bed she was diagonal across the whole thing. Not a single considerate bone in her tiny tittied body. As I climbed in bed she enveloped me, stuck to my chest like cellophane to ceramic.

What the hell was I doing letting her be with me. I liked smart girls. She was dumb. I liked tall girls. She was 5 ft even. I liked thin girls. Her upper legs touched at the pussy and her belly was starting to stick out further than those itty bitty titties. I liked a tight round athletic ass. Hers was wide and flat and I could feel the tailbone when I fucked her from the back. I wanted a woman. She was a kid.

I could do better. She knew it too. Last week she even cried and told me how grateful she was that I was in her life. Told me I was kind and smart and gorgeous. Grateful, she said. Gorgeous, she said. Kind. Christ. I replied with something like “I know“ and she smacked me playfully for being so full of myself cuz she liked it. But even Brando would have felt a little guilty.

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