Apple Tree

“You ate the WHOLE thing?” she said as she watched me take the last bite. I looked at her for a solid 20 seconds. How do you even answer these kinds of questions?

I smiled with naughty malice as I flicked the stem right at her face. It hit her forehead. It happened too fast for her to react until it already happened. She moved back quickly with shock and stared. She swiped at her brow and looked at the back of the hand to see if it really was a spit in the face.

“What the fuck?” she yelled. I just smiled and chewed. “Ugh.” She looked at me with disgust. I stared right back at her all defiant like.

“You’re an animal.” I slowly licked my fingers. My eyes still on her face. Sometimes you just feel like Brando.

She quickly stopped thinking about it lest she dig too deep. Her lack of insight and inability to pick up nuance infuriated me. Like most of our generation, she was easily distracted.

“How the hell do you eat the core!?” Stab me with questions. “How the hell do you throw yours away?” “Uhh… because its garbage.” There she goes with that dumb hillbilly sound.

“Uhhhhhh… To you it is!” “Uhh… To everyone it is, STUPID!” “Yeah not to those kids dying in Africa from AIDS you lil shit! And what about the Irish potato famines? Or the 15 years of starvation after WW2 in Ukraine!“

She rolled her eyes and continued to pick her nails. I felt a piece of apple tendon stuck between the two front bottom teeth. We kept sitting there at the dinner table like a Texas showdown. I looked at her plate while sucking my teeth trying to pull the tendon out with negative pressure.

She had 3 potatoes and a piece of beef still on it but she was done eating long ago. She never finished the food on her plate. I pointedly looked at my empty plate to make a point. She didn’t get it. She was too busy cleaning her nails at the dinner table. I watched her with contempt.

“You know how hard my father would hit you upside the head with his spoon if he saw that plate?” “You wanna hit me? Then hit me.”

I suddenly leaned forward and stuck her piece of meat with my fork and killed it dead on the spot. I was full but I bit into the son bitch and smiled at the deliberate rhythm of my chews.

“Wouldn’t let us throw away bread even if it was moldy. He’d burn off the mold. Eat the fuckin toast 2 inches from your face.” I waved a piece in front of her face before the choo choo train brought it home and down the gullet. But I know I’m the weird one.

Yesterday I gave a piece of pizza to this homeless asshole and the smelly bastard told me he don’t do pepperoni. In the 70s he woulda sucked dick for a piece of crust. Even the poor aren’t grateful anymore.

I grabbed her whole plate and pulled it towards me and began to pick off the taters. She stared at me but not with hate. Something else. I suddenly felt ashamed.

“Aren’t apple seeds poisonous or something?” The tater went down kinda rough. And that was a valid question.

“Well… that’s only half true. Here’s the deal with that. Now before you ask, this is fact alright? What I’m about to tell you on this topic. It’s facts. So don’t say ‘Really?’ like I’m lyin’ to you or something.” Fuck. The apple tendon was still in my teeth. She waited patiently for my wisdom.

“So. To release the poison in an apple seed…” I did the quote signal on “poison” with both hands like a pretentious asshole and tried picking that piece of meat out of my tooth “… you actually have to chew and crush the apple seeds first. And to get the “poison”” I did it again “effect, you have to do it to a lot of them at once. On the one hand, yes, apple seeds have this stuff called amygdalin in them…” Easy Bub or you’re gonna lose her

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